A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!
30 degrees... It was so cold out today that even the lawyers had their hands in their own pockets.
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress? A: No fee–If No Recovery!
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
A: What's the difference between a lawyer and an undertaker? B: A Lawyer doesn't mind getting his hands dirty while burying his victims.
A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, and everything but lunch hours. Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services. Then he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list: FOR CROSSING THE STREET TO TALK TO YOU, THEN DISCOVERING IT WASN'T YOU AFTER ALL -- $125.
What’s the difference between two lawyers in a Porsche and a porcupine? The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?