Why don’t you see lawyers on the beach? Cats keep covering them with sand.
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
The lawyer’s motto: a man is not guilty until he demonstrates he is out of money...
An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's. The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there. "I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here." The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insurance proceeds." The lawyer took another sip of his mai tai, and then asked in a puzzled voice, "How do you start a flood?"
Out of courtesy, sharks never attack lawyers.
How come the lawyer got underground only by his neck? It was not enough sand...
A young lawyer says to ones of his colleagues: -A lawyer is the freest creature in the world. He’s not dependent of nothing except of his clients, his colleagues, judge and of the High Court...!
What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuck her! The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?
A man needing some legal help walks into a law firm. He asks an attorney: "If I give you $300 to help answer two legal problems I have, will you help me?" The attorney replies: "Sure, what's the other question?"
Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.? A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.