An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
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What’s the difference between your wage packet and your trouser packet?
You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your wage packet.
"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."
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He was so mean he used to give his children £1 each instead of an evening meal, then charged them £2 for breakfast.
Womens are like computer virus...
they ENTER your life...
SEARCH your pocket...
SHIFT your balance ...
CONTROL your life...
when you become an old version DELET you from the system
Two thieves each sneak into a rich man's party.
During dinner the thieves marveled at how even the cutlery was made of gold, and both decided they would try to steal some.
The first thief quietly slipped a golden spoon into his pocket, unaware that the second thief had witnessed this crime.
After dinner, the second thief comes up with a way to steal a golden spoon without suspicion being placed on him.
He picks up a golden spoon identical to the first and holds it up in front of the party-goers explaining he wishes to show them a magic trick.
"And now..." he speaks to the crowd and points towards the first thief,
"I will put this spoon into my pocket, and remove it from this gentleman here's own pocket!"
When Chuck Norris gets nominated for the ALS ice bucket challenge, the bucket donates $1000 to ALS research.
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"The auditors have just left, sir."
"Did they check the books?"
"Very thoroughly."
"What did they say?"
"They want 15% to keep quiet."
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How do two programmers make money?
One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
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Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
