Joke #3775

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.

A man hires a taxi to take him to court for his bankruptcy trial. When they arrive he says to the driver, ‘Well, I suppose you might as well come in too.’

What leads most people into debt? Trying to catch up with people who are already there.

How do you know you’re flying over the poorer part of town? You see toilet paper hanging on the clothes lines.

Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket? Because two halves make a whole (hole), and you could lose your money.

When we moved to the US I was 8 years old. I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance? When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.

Chuck Norris can pick "side" when flipping a coin.

What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild? Money.

A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?" To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"

There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married". So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house. So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it. The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?". And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt." Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied "Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled". Then the mother said to the last daughter "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".

Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.