Joke #9265

Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress? A: No fee–If No Recovery!
Vote: has 54.26 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Three guys are arrested in an adult book store and appear before the judge. He asks the first guy to stand: "What is your name?" he asked. "John," the guy answered. "And why were you arrested?" the judge asked. "I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered. The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy and called up the next one. "What's your name?" he asked. "John," the guy answered. "Why were you arrested?" the Judge asked. "I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered. Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, 'This so-called adult store is begining to sound more like a smoking club!' he thought. So he dismissed the charge and called up the next guy. "What's your name?? No wait, let me guess; John." he said. "No," said the guy, "My name is Smoke."
Vote: has 76.53 % from 988 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: gay, lawyer, prison
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, lawyer
George and Harry out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are". Harry let's out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover. George says, "I still can't tell where we are, let's ask that guy on the ground". So Harry yells down at the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?" The man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air". George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer". And Harry says "How can you tell?". George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate and totally useless". That's the end of the Joke, but for you people who are still worried about George and Harry: They end up in the drink, and make the front page of the New York Times: "Balloonists Soaked by Lawyer".
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: lawyer, math, science, time, travel
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.' So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00? The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
Vote: has 67.20 % from 110 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, money, nurse
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant. “No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
Vote: has 86.01 % from 993 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, lawyer, marriage, wife
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
Vote: has 78.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, lawyer
The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with pictures of favorite lawyers on them. The people that use them don’t know which side to spit on!
Vote: has 54.26 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: lawyer
Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing? Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: lawyer
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
Vote: has 68.60 % from 41 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids, lawyer, sex
A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness: The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?" The witness: "Yes, sir." The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?" The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches." The lawyer (thinking he’d trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?" The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, lawyer