Joke #9265

Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress? A: No fee–If No Recovery!
Vote:
has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A loan shark asks a lawyers advice: How can I get back my $1,000 from Johnny if I lost my loan receipt? Send a letter where you will write to him to send you the $2,000 he owns you. Ok but I only loaned him $1,000! That’s the idea, we want to get from hem a proof that he owns you $1,000...
Vote:
has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!" The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"
Vote:
has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Yo' Mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.
Vote:
has 80.92 % from 2279 votes. More jokes about: food, insulting, lawyer, stupid, Yo mama
A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding. He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks, stated to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses' asses." One of the locals spoke up on hearing this: "Mister, you'd better watch what you say. You're in horse country."
Vote:
has 78.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: bar, divorce, lawyer, travel, vulgar
A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?" "Guilty", said the man in the dock. At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise. The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"? "Guilty", said the man in the dock. Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!! At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?" He replied "He is my next door neighbor". The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments". The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don't understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one"!!!
Vote:
has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Vote:
has 21.85 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?", someone asked. "Oh, not too bad", said Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."
Vote:
has 76.32 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: communication, lawyer
What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? The hooker will stop screwing you when you’re dead.
Vote:
has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a spermatozoid? Only one from 30.000 gets a man.
Vote:
has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Lawyer was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. "You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?" The client replied that he did. The lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?" The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win."
Vote:
has 83.01 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: lawyer