Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?
A: No fee–If No Recovery!
Similar jokes
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In the High Court:
Do you know what you get for false testimony?
Yes, they promised me a Mercedes...
If it wasn’t for lawyers, we wouldn’t need them.
A reporter outside of a courtroom asked a defendant clad only in a barrel: “Oh, I see your attorney lost the case!”
The defendant answered, “No, we won.”
Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness.
He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.
Vote:
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?
Only one if you run him through slowly!
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way.
The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity.
"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare.
Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages.
Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."
"I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The Lawyer funny responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
A lawyer has just settled down in his new office.
So now, he is thinking what he can do to have clients.
After a long time thinking, a man comes into the office.
Right away, the lawyer decides to make his new plan take action.
So he picks up the phone and says: "Unfortunately, Ms. Onassis, I cannot undertake your case right now. I am working full time, call me in a month to see if I can help you."
He puts the phone down and says to the waiting man: "How can I help you sir?"
"Nothing really, I am from telephone communications, I just came to connect your phone."