Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?
A: No fee–If No Recovery!
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A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
Q: Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
A: It's called Sosumi.
Lawyer: ‘Let me give you my honest opinion.’
Client: ‘No, no. I’m paying for professional advice.’
Q: How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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A lawyer opens the door of his BMW.
Another car speeds by and hits the door, ripping it off completely.
When the police arrive, the lawyer is complaining bitterly.
‘Officer, look what they’ve done to my car!’ he whines.
‘You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick,’ replies the officer.
‘You’re so worried about your stupid car, you haven’t even noticed your left arm was ripped off!’
‘Oh my God!’ replies the lawyer.
‘Where’s my Rolex?’
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
Lipstick.
What’s a foot long, transparent and lies in the gutter.
A lawyer once the crap’s been kicked out of him.
Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident?
The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.