Joke #3773

I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’

How is an earnest lawyer called? An oxymoron.

Why was the man sued by his horse? For palomino-money!

A patient that was waiting for a heart transplant has the chance to choose tree alternatives: 1. One heart is from a young athlete that died from a car accident. 2. Second is the heart of a business man that never smoked or drunk that died from an airplane accident. 3. The last one is a lawyers heart that died after 30 years of experience. I'll take the lawyers heart. After the transplant, the doctor asks the patient: "Why did you choose the lawyers heart?" "Simple! I chose the heart that was less used..."

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

Q: What do you get when you cross a Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand.

Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a scum-sucking bottom dweller, the other’s a fish!

Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.

Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.