Joke #3773

I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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The town’s local council remarks that the best lawyer in town never made a donation to charity tendency. To convince him, the mayor calls him in his office: Sir, I remarked that you’re revenue reached a number of $600.000. With all these, you never made a donation to the charity... If you looked into my files, did you also remark that my mother is sick, and the medicaments she needs exceed her funds? No... answers mayor. In second place, my brother, war veteran, is condemned in a wheelchair and he’s blind. The mayor started apologizing, but was interrupted: And more, my sister died into a car accident and left tree children orphans. Stunned, the mayor says: I didn’t know, please accept my apologies... But the lawyer continues: I don’t see why I should give you any money, if I don’t ever give them money...
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: health, kids, lawyer, money
A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!" The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
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has 46.10 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "I object, Your Honor! One of the jurors is asleep." The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep… You wake him up."
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has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, love, Valentines day
A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, "Give it to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, "Call for my lawyer." When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician asked what he had in mind. The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side. I just thought I'd check out the same way."
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: god, hospital, lawyer, time
“How can I ever thank you?” gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles. “My dear woman,” Darrow replied, “ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question.”
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has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
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has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A guy was talking with his friend: I’ve managed to separate from my wife in common agreement: she gets the house and I get the car and desk. Ok, but how about your finances? The lawyer takes care of those...
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has 21.85 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer, money, wife