A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, finally the bear says, "excuse me ,do you have problems with crap sticking to your furr when you go?"
The rabbit replies, "WHY NO".....so then the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
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Q: What do you call a fight between you and your dad?
A: Dady issues!
What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat?
He had to get a new goat.
What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil?
Pre-tanned leather.
Why did the frog go to the mall?
Because he wanted to go hopping.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A Golden Retriever.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
Q: What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
A: A milk shake.
DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher..
He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for ill*gally grown dr*gs."
The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.
"See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull...
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety.
The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs...
"Your badge... Show him your badge!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Owls say.
Owls say who?
Yep, that they do.
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