A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, finally the bear says, "excuse me ,do you have problems with crap sticking to your furr when you go?"
The rabbit replies, "WHY NO".....so then the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"
The bartender considers it, then agrees.
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?"
The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first.
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.
The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog.
"Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale."
The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front.
"No," he insists, "he's not for sale."
The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash.
The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded.
"That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!"
"Don't worry about it." the man answered.
"The frog was really nothing special.
You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters.
She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse.
Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia.
That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
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Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert?
A: Peach gobbler.
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There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole.
They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse.
Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!"
Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!"
Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.
Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
If you make a cow angry, how will she get even?
She'll cream you.
I took a day off from work to play golf. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green.
I paid it no attention until I heard, "Ribbit. 9-iron."
That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog.
I pulled out a 9-iron and sunk a hole-in-one.
Amazed, I picked up the frog and asked where we should go next.
"Ribbit. Vegas."
We went to Vegas, and I asked the frog what we should do first.
"Ribbit. Roulette."
We went up to the roulette table, and I won big.
I took my earnings and got the best room in the hotel.
I asked the frog if there was anything I could do to repay it.
"Ribbit. Kiss me."
I figured, what the hell, and I kissed the frog.
It turned into a 15-year-old girl.
That's how she ended up in my room, your Honor, and if I'm lying, my name's not R. Kelly.
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What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a millionaire?
A bunny with money.