Joke #3898

What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? The hooker will stop screwing you when you’re dead.
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should? Stick his bill up his rear.
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
Vote: has 39.90 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
Vote: has 82.72 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors. Bad News: There were three empty seats.
Vote: has 59.20 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, car, lawyer
Q: What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw? A: Outlaws are wanted.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!" "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" "No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!" Confidently the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But I did send them.", replied the man. "What?" shouted the lawyer. "I sure did, that's how we won the case... good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff's business card."
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
Vote: has 26.98 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?" "Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer. On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
Vote: has 44.92 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, medical, money, party
A man needing some legal help walks into a law firm. He asks an attorney: "If I give you $300 to help answer two legal problems I have, will you help me?" The attorney replies: "Sure, what's the other question?"
Vote: has 77.26 % from 111 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, money
How many lawyers dose it take to change a light bulb? 3, 1 to climb the ladder, 1 to shake it, and 1 to sue the ladder company.
Vote: has 80.93 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, light bulb