Joke #3898

What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? The hooker will stop screwing you when you’re dead.
Vote:
has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The lawyer answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
Vote:
has 76.11 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, prison, work
An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor. The doctor says, ‘We have three possible donors. One is a young, healthy athlete. The second is a middleaged businessman who never drank or smoked, and the third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.’ ‘I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,’ says the patient. ‘Why?’ asks the doctor. The patient replies, ‘It’s never been used.’
Vote:
has 85.29 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: athlete, business, lawyer
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"
Vote:
has 72.70 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, math
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker? A: Yes sir.
Vote:
has 9.28 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
An investment advisor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers. "As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?" "Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case." "Impresive. And what sort of case was that?" asked the investment advisor. The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
Vote:
has 50.45 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q:How can you tell the difference between an attorney lying dead in the road and a coyote lying dead in the road? A:With the coyote, you usually see skid marks.
Vote:
has 75.96 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A junior partner in a law firm is sent to represent a client accused of murder. After a long trial, the case is won and the client acquitted. The young lawyer telegraphs his firm with the message, ‘Justice prevailed’. The senior partner telegraphs back, ‘Appeal immediately’.
Vote:
has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
How can you know a lawyer is lying? When he moves his lips.
Vote:
has 64.33 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathisers.
Vote:
has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, terrorist
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
Vote:
has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: lawyer