Joke #135

What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
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has 34.72 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."
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has 34.72 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer
Why won't sharks attack lawyers? "Professional courtesy."
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? Insufficient sand.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity. "First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..." "I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money." The Lawyer funny responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
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has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: death, hospital, lawyer, money
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?’ Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What do you call Satan and a lawyer? Twins!
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has 14.23 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Discussion between two future lawyers: I don’t understand why they rejected me! I told them that I want to be a lawyer because I respect the law, that I’d give my life for the Constitution and that I want justice for my clients. What did you tell them? I told them that I want to be a lawyer because of my hands! You’re hands? What do you mean? Well, I looked in my hands and there were no money...
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has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, wife
The scene is a dark jungle. Two tigers are stalking through the undergrowth in single file when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, "Hey! Cut it out, all right!" The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, "I said stop it!" The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?" The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuck her! The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?
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has 72.39 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: bar, lawyer, sex