Joke #135

What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
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has 34.72 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
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has 17.34 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer, wife
George and Harry out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are". Harry let's out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover. George says, "I still can't tell where we are, let's ask that guy on the ground". So Harry yells down at the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?" The man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air". George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer". And Harry says "How can you tell?". George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate and totally useless". That's the end of the Joke, but for you people who are still worried about George and Harry: They end up in the drink, and make the front page of the New York Times: "Balloonists Soaked by Lawyer".
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has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, math, science, time, travel
A man came storming out of the courthouse ranting and raving; obviously really angry. He stomped accross the street and into the bar and flounced down on a stool muttering, “Asshole attorneys”. The man next to him recoiled in outrage saying “I want you to know I highly resent that remark”. “Why, are you an attorney?” “No, I’m an asshole.”
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has 82.91 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What’s black and tan and looks great on a lawyer? A Dobermann pinscher.
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has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between two lawyers in a Porsche and a porcupine? The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
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has 78.55 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer
What do you call Satan and a lawyer? Twins!
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has 12.72 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident? The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A teacher asks the children to discuss what their fathers do for a living. Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail." Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better." All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. Teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do?" Johnny says: "My Dad is dead." "I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died?" "He turned blue and shit on the carpet."
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has 76.61 % from 553 votes. More jokes about: dad, doctor, lawyer, little Johnny, teacher
The judge: Why did you shoot the rabbit without being a member of the hunters association? The inculpated: Why did the rabbit eat cabbage from my garden, without being a family member?
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, hunting, lawyer