Joke #3822

Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
Vote: has 31.56 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A lawyer named Impos Syble was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. “Here lies an honest man and a lawyer,” responded the lawyer. “Sorry, but I can’t do that,” replied the stonecutter. “In this state, it’s against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put `here lies an honest lawyer’.” “But that won’t let people know who it is!” protested the lawyer. “Sure it will,” retorted the stonecutter. “People will read it and exclaim, “That’s impossible!”
Vote: has 30.41 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, lawyer
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"
Vote: has 70.83 % from 57 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, math
Yo' Mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.
Vote: has 82.18 % from 1494 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, insulting, lawyer, stupid, Yo mama
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, drug, lawyer, wife
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange"!
Vote: has 39.90 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A: The lawyer charges more.
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer, a priest, and a young boy were in a plane that was going to crash, yet they only had 2 parachutes. The lawyer proclaimed that since he was the smartest man on the plane, that he deserved to survive. He took a chute and jumped. The priest looks and the young boy, and reflecting back on his life, told the young boy to take the last parachute since he had already lived a wonderful and full life. The boy replied, "You can have the other chute because the smartest man on this plane just jumped out with my bookbag!"
Vote: has 83.67 % from 171 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, lawyer, priest
A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week." "That's very fair,your honour," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
Vote: has 73.68 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: divorce, husband, lawyer, money
A blonde, a priest, a doctor, a nurse, a brunette, a redhead, a lawyer, a rabbi, a musician, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman an American, A Russian, an Iraqi, Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Sarah Palin, George W Bush, Osama Bin laden and Barack Obama walked into a bar. The barman said, "Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"
Vote: has 31.97 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, blonde, lawyer, nurse, priest