Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi Cowboy!"
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a scum-sucking bottom dweller, the other’s a fish!
What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial? Odour in court.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall? A: It depends how hard you throw them.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?
Why God did made the snake before lawyers? To exercise.
Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing? Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes? In a pellet court!
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start!
A lawyer is paid £950 in new bills but, on counting the money, he discovers that two notes have stuck together and he’s been overpaid by £50. This leaves him with an ethical dilemma – should he tell his partner?