Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
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Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: Clothes.
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
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How come the lawyer got underground only by his neck?
It was not enough sand...
Applying for a job, a new lawyer was asked if paying back his law school tuition would be any special problem.
He replied that he paid it back right after his first case.
When asked how he managed that, he said, "Well, my dad sued me for it and won."
Lawyer: ‘Let me give you my honest opinion.’
Client: ‘No, no. I’m paying for professional advice.’
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office.
Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck.
The lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
Not all the warrants, can be called milky cows, says a lawyer to a colleague of his, some of them are like the mice in the church.
Got for as lawyers that we know how to milk the mice...
Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident?
The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles.
His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied.
"Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment.
He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled.
With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
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