My dad is really annoyed, I had the TV on and he accidentally saw the entire football match – he’d just wanted to watch the results on the news.
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Egotistical Harry was always reminding people that he played semi-pro baseball.
"I was the James Bond type of player," he told his friends.
"I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition."
"Batted .007," his wife added.
Yo mama so fat when she went sky diving in a blue jump suit, all the kids below said, "Ahhhh! The sky is falling!"
What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?
"When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it!
Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
Vote:
At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear.
The judge asks the baby bear, "Do you want to live with papa bear?"
The baby bear replied, "No he beats me."
The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear!
The baby bear said, "No she beats me too."
The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?"
The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"
Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing.
One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice.
The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secrect is.
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you."
The successful man spits something into his hand.
"You've got to keep your worms warm."
What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court?
Annette!
Dad shouts ..."STOP WATCHIN P*RN....I CAN HEAR IT IN MY ROOM!"
Son: Dad...I am NOT watching p*rn... That is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!
Yo'Mama is so stupid, she threw a baseball at Batman.