My dad is really annoyed, I had the TV on and he accidentally saw the entire football match – he’d just wanted to watch the results on the news.
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What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common?
You don't look down.
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When Chuck Norris plays dodge ball... the balls dodge him.
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There was this kid who wanted to divorce his parents, so he takes them to court.
The judge says, "do you want to live with your dad?" the kid says "no!
he beats me!".
The judge says,"you want to live with your mom?" "no! she beats me too!".
So the judge says, "who do you want to live with then?"
The kid says, "The Cleveland Browns...they can't beat anybody!"
PE Teacher: "Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?"
Pupil: "You told me to put it on the Net."
What does a nigress and an ice hockey player have in common?
They both change their pads after 3 periods.
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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a stationary bike.
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Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.