Joke #3854

What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? Insufficient sand.
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Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?’ Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
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What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
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Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall? A: It depends how hard you throw them.
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A Georgian man sits in the dock at the court, with his neck bended down. The judge: "Why did you rape the girl?" "I liked her." "Why did you raped the boy?" "I liked him." "Sir, why don't you look to my eyes when you talk to me?" "I'm afraid I'll like you…"
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Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.
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A lawyer opens the door of his BMW. Another car speeds by and hits the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrive, the lawyer is complaining bitterly. ‘Officer, look what they’ve done to my car!’ he whines. ‘You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick,’ replies the officer. ‘You’re so worried about your stupid car, you haven’t even noticed your left arm was ripped off!’ ‘Oh my God!’ replies the lawyer. ‘Where’s my Rolex?’
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A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The lawyer answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
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Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.? A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
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30 degrees... It was so cold out today that even the lawyers had their hands in their own pockets.
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A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity. "First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..." "I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money." The Lawyer funny responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
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