Joke #3854

What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? Insufficient sand.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"
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has 72.84 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, math
Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors. Bad News: There were three empty seats.
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has 59.31 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, lawyer
Question: How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie? Answer: His lips begin to move.
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has 29.93 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Three guys are arrested in an adult book store and appear before the judge. He asks the first guy to stand: "What is your name?" he asked. "John," the guy answered. "And why were you arrested?" the judge asked. "I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered. The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy and called up the next one. "What's your name?" he asked. "John," the guy answered. "Why were you arrested?" the Judge asked. "I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered. Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, 'This so-called adult store is begining to sound more like a smoking club!' he thought. So he dismissed the charge and called up the next guy. "What's your name?? No wait, let me guess; John." he said. "No," said the guy, "My name is Smoke."
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has 76.81 % from 1000 votes. More jokes about: gay, lawyer, prison
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early sir", replied the defendant. "Well that's not an crime", said the judge! "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened", answered the prisoner.
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”
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has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: airplane, business, lawyer
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
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has 69.28 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: kids, lawyer, sex
A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100." The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."
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has 76.80 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
A desperate man enters a bar and says: All the lawyers are stupid!!! From a table a solid man rises up and goes to the desperate man: Take that back! Why? Are you a lawyer? No, I’m stupid...
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has 46.10 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: bar, lawyer