Joke #3894

Which month do soldiers hate most? March!

Q: Why couldn't the sailors play cards? A: The captain was sitting on the deck.

America doesn't need a military... We've got Chuck Norris

In an official mandate, 'Walker, Texas Ranger' DVD discs have been ordered to replace the armor plating in all bulletproof vests.

Two Generals were preparing for battle. The first General calls his aide and says "Bring me my red uniform!" The other General asks why he would wear a red uniform. The first General explains that if he gets wounded then his soldiers won't see the blood and lose their courage. The other General thinks about this, then calls to his aide "Bring me my brown uniform!"

How are tigers like sergeants in the army? They both wear stripes.

The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges. That's why we have the camel,sir." "The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay." About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent . Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "No sir," the First Sergeant replies. "They usually just ride the camel into town."

"Where does the Colonel keep his armies?" "Up his sleevies!"

Tom and Timothy were in the same regiment in the army. They were inseparable friends and spent their evenings drinking together. After retirement, they went to different states and settled. However, they kept correspondence through letters and e-mails. To keep the memory of their boozing bouts alive, Tom always filled two glasses with rum and water and sipped from each alternately! When somebody asked him why he did so, he explained: "This glass is Timothy's; this one is mine. So I take a sip from each - one on behalf of Timothy, the other for myself." Suddenly one evening Tom was seen with only one glass on his table. He was asked what had happened. He replied, "You see, I have given up drinking but Timothy has written that he has not. So I have put away my glass and drink only on behalf of my friend."

An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks: "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic syphilis, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic piles, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic gum disease, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"

Q:What not to say to the nice policeman? A:I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.