Joke #3894

Which month do soldiers hate most? March!
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has 63.51 % from 1173 votes. More jokes about: military

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An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?" The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!" The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
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has 86.14 % from 2266 votes. More jokes about: car, dog, military, war, women
Several years ago, after having Japanese executives from the automotive industry tour a Ford Plant, they held a press conference in which one of the Japanese execs claimed that the American workers were slow and lazy. Not long after, a friend sent me a picture of a bumper sticker on a truck at the Ford plant. It read - "We may be slow and lazy, but we build a damn good bomb!"
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has 75.53 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: military
Q: In the Navy, how do they separate the men from the boys? A: With a crowbar.
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has 52.05 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: military
Q: What's brown and in the military? A: Gomer's pile.
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has 31.06 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, military
I follow CIA on Twitter just so they can see how it feels.
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has 68.38 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: internet, military
Q:What not to say to the nice policeman? A:I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
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has 54.49 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: military
"Where does the Colonel keep his armies?" "Up his sleevies!"
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has 17.19 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: military
Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife? When she spread her legs he saw bush.
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has 68.97 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: black humor, military, political
The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don’t speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase “secure the building”. The Army will post guards around the place. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters. The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
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has 85.02 % from 545 votes. More jokes about: air force, death, military, money, navy
An airman finds a barber shop near the base and goes inside for a haircut. After getting a nice, short flat-top, the airman asks how much he should pay. "No charge, son" replies the barber, "Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, the barber finds a squadron T-shirt and a thank-you note left by his customer. Later that day, a staff sergeant comes in, asking the barber to take a little bit off the sides. When the haircut was complete and the NCO reaches for his wallet, the barber again says: "No charge, sergeant. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The next day, as he opens shop, he is pleased to find an Air Force hat and a squadron coin by the door, with a thank-you note. Later that day, a colonel comes in, asking if the barber can do something to cover his bald spot. The barber obliges, and when it comes time to pay, he again says: "No charge, sir. Your dedication and sacrifice in the service of our nation is payment enough." The barber comes to work the next day and finds on his doorstep... three more Air Force colonels.
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has 80.13 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: air force, mean, military, money, time