What do computers do when they get hungry?
They eat chips!
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Bad command or file name.
Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay!
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.
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There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road.
The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control.
Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff.
They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.
The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution."
The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before.
I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it."
The programmer said "I think you're both wrong!
I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."
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Warning!
User Error.
Kindly replace user and press a key to continue.
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The box said "Requires Windows Vista or better".
So I installed LINUX.
A computer programmer has been missing from work for over a week.
Finally someone notices and calls the police.
They break down the door of his flat where they find him dead in the shower, an empty bottle of shampoo next to his body.
The programmer seems to have died from a combination of exposure and exhaustion.
The puzzle is explained when the police read the instructions on the shampoo bottle – ‘Wet hair.
Apply shampoo. Rinse. Repeat.’
"Knock, knock.Who's there?"
very long pause...
"Java."
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Funny facts about Google users:
50% of people use Google well as a search engine.
The rest 50% of them use it to check if their internet is connected
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Home is where the wifi connects automatically.