What’s the best way to stop water coming into your house?
Don’t pay the water bill.
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How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
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Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?
No! Tell me about it.
It smells of $50 dollar bills.
A guy was talking with his friend:
I’ve managed to separate from my wife in common agreement: she gets the house and I get the car and desk.
Ok, but how about your finances?
The lawyer takes care of those...
If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?
Yo' Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.
Remember when we spent money like there was no tomorrow?
Well, it’s tomorrow.
OK, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
Your mama so old she still owes Jesus five bucks.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932.
The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
“I invested that nickel in an apple.
I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples.
I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents.
I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked.
“Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”