Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash!
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Q: There is a $100 bill sitting in the middle of a 4 way intersection, at one side there is a man hating dike, at another side, there is Santa, at another side there is the Easter Bunny, and at the las side there is a man loving lesbian. Who gets the $100 bill?
A: The man hating dike because all others are a figure of your imagination.
Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant?
She charges an arm and a leg.
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I was taken short in the back of a taxi.
Because of all the mess I gave the driver a ten-pound note.
Mind you it had only been a fiver before I wiped myself with it.
Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viagra?
Now he's hard up.
How do you tell when time is reversing?
When a Jew drops a coin on the ground.
Q: What do you call a group financial controller who's lost his job?
A: Bob.
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Q: What is the definition of "accountant"?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
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An actuary priced an automobile ‘fire and theft’ policy with an extremely low premium.
When asked why it was so cheap, he said, ‘Who’d steal a burnt car?’
Q: How was copper wire invented?
A: Two jews fighting over a penny.
A man walks into a New York City bank and says he wants to borrow $2,000 for three weeks.
The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has.
The man says "I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys."
The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man $2,000.
Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $2,000 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce.
The loan officer asks him, "Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollars?"
The man answers, "I had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?"