Joke #254

Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A. He wanted cold hard cash!

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study was incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of $2 million, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the French study were released, Canada decided to conduct their own study. The Canucks didn't really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of right around $75.00, the Canadian study was complete. They concluded that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead!

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The guy says, "75 cents."

Q: What travels at 200km's a hour? A: A Mexican hearing a dollar drop to the ground.

The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.

A small boy goes up to a man in the street and asks him if he’s lost £5. The man checks his pockets and says, ‘Well, yes. I think I have lost a £5 note. Have you found one?’ The boy replies, ‘No. I just wanted to see how many people had lost a £5 note today. You make 72.’

I was eating and enjoying my food when a man entered into the restaurant where i was eating with a brief case. I guess he is a politician cause his dressing and pot belly portrays it. He walked and sat down as every body looked at him. Suddenly a woman came to him and started crying. The woman knelt down and told him that her children die of hunger since her husband died. This man opened the brief case and gave this woman five thousand dollars. The woman jumped up and left the scene in happiness. I was still watching when another man started crying and came to him. He knelt down and begged him that he need a money to establish a business. This man brought out three hundred thousand dollars cheque and gave it to this man. This time, i started murmuring and practicing on the lie i will blow to have my own national cake. I started crying and came to the man. Immediately i knelt down, I heard "Cut! cut! cut!". I turned and saw the laughing director of the movie. Shame almost killed me.

Girls are like an internet virus: they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile...

What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote? One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?" The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have." The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?" The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."

An old Jewish beggar was out on the street, begging with his tin cup. A man passed by and the beggar said to the man, "Sir, could you spare 3 cents for a cup of coffee?" And the man said, "Where do get coffee for 3 cents?" And the beggar said, "Who buys retail?"