A man walks into a bar with a alligator. He says to the bartender, ‘Do you serve lawyers here?’
‘Sure do,’ replies the bartender. ‘Good,’ says the man.
‘Give me a beer, and a lawyer for my ’gator.’
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Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes?
In a pellet court!
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?”
The guy answers, “A scotch, please.”
The bartender hands him the drink, and says “That’ll be five dollars.”
To which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.”
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.”
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, “Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don’t ever let me catch you in here again.”
The next day, same guy walks into the bar.
Bartender says, “What the heck are you doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity to come back!”
The guy says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life!”
The bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.”
To which the guy replies, “Thank you. Make it a scotch.”
Q:How can you tell the difference between an attorney lying dead in the road and a coyote lying dead in the road?
A:With the coyote, you usually see skid marks.
A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness.
He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.
Vote:
Question: How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie?
Answer: His lips begin to move.
I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
Q: How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Vote:
Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet?
Because deep down they are really good people.
Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers