Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay!
Once upon a time, a computer programmer drowned at sea. Many were on the beach and heard him cry out, “F1! F1!”, but no one understood.
Chuck Norris can open PDF files with Microsoft Excel.
Someday, the people who know how to use computers will rule over those who don’t. And there will be a special name for them – secretaries.
How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone 6 plus? Don't worry, they'll let you know.
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
An engineer, a manager and a programmer are driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes fail and the car careens down the road until it hits a tree. They all get out and discuss how to fix the car. The manager says, ‘To fix this problem we need to organise a committee and develop a mission statement.’ The engineer says, ‘That would take too long. I have my penknife here. I’ll take apart the brake system, isolate the problem, and correct it.’ The programmer says, ‘No, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.’
What do you get if you cross an iPhone and a fridge? Cool music.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt. The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed". The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong". The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
Who said Windows 98 is a virus was wrong. Why? Because a virus does something.