My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the heck she is.
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The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
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Did you know you can download the whole Tyson-Holyfield fight off the internet?
It doesn’t take much memory – just two Bytes.
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What's a mexicans' favorite sport?
Cross country.
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley.. She said "Tenpin?"
I said, "No, permanent."
Why did the football coach flood the pitch?
Because he wanted to bring on the sub!
A man walks into a bar with a dog.
The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."
"You don't understand," says the man.
"This is no regular dog, he can talk."
"Listen, pal," says the bartender.
"If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks.
"The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"
"Roof!" "Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?" "Bark!"
"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!"
"I guess you've heard enough," says the man.
"I'll take the hundred in twenties."
The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."
As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"
Chuck Norris hit a home run in a football game.
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Chuck Norris once threw out the first pitch at a NASCAR race.
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Yo mama so stupid I told her I was going to the Super Bowl and she told me not to forget a spoon.