Joke #4049

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has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: IT

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Q: How many Apple Iphone 6 early adopters does it take to change a light bulb? A: 3001. 1 to do the work and 3000 to go online and bitch about the lack of obscure features!
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: IT, light bulb, phone, technology, work
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: health, IT, medical, money, time
A Microsoft support technician goes to a firing range. He shoots ten bullets at the target 50m away. The supervisors check the target and see that there’s not even a single hit. They shout to him that he missed completely. The technician tells them to recheck, and gets the same answer. The technician then aims the gun at his finger and shoots, blasting it off. He shouts back, ‘It’s working fine here! The problem must be at your end!’
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has 70.39 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: IT
When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
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has 37.02 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: IT, programmer
Programmer. A machine that turns coffee into code.
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has 81.02 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: coding, geek, IT, programmer, work
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: IT
Someday, the people who know how to use computers will rule over those who don’t. And there will be a special name for them – secretaries.
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: IT
What is the other name for the ‘Intel Inside?' "The warning label." {Intel inside.......fool is outside}.
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has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: IT
Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
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has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, geek, internet, IT, technology
This website may not be idiot proof, but at least it’s dimwit resistant.
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has 24.11 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: IT