Joke #3904

What did the computer do at lunchtime? Had a byte!
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has 46.20 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: IT

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Q: What do computers and air conditions have in common? A: They're both become useless when you open windows.
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has 71.72 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: computer, IT, nerd, technology
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
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has 85.89 % from 1839 votes. More jokes about: computer, drug, IT, medical, money
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth surgeon said, "I like technicians...they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."
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has 78.03 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: IT
According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating? Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
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has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: beauty, celebrity, IT, phone, technology
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…
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has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: IT
CEO frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny, meeny, miney, moe." Windows XP shutdown screen reads, "It is Now Safe to Start Looking for Work." Company softball team downsized to chess team. Company president now driving a Hyundai. Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.
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has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: business, car, IT, management, work
Bill Gates is judged for bigamy. He says: If you live with two women’s it does not mean bigamy, it means multitasking.
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has 11.59 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, IT
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the IT professional, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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has 82.13 % from 308 votes. More jokes about: IT, programmer
The keyboard is painted in camouflage.
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has 22.36 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: IT
99 little bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code, 1 bug fixed... Compile again, 100 little bugs in the code.
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has 63.32 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: coding, geek, IT, poems, programmer