Joke #6720

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
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has 84.08 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?” St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”
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has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: age, heaven, lawyer, work
Why was the cannibal fined by the judge? He was caught poaching.
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has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: black humor, lawyer
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
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has 19.23 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer, wife
A man walked into a curio store and was looking around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter. The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it. The man said, 'Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story.' He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked -- the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, which he did -- and all the rats drowned. He returned to the store where he purchased the brass rat, and when he walked in, the proprietor said, 'Ah ha! You came back to pay the $1,000 for the story, right?' 'Nope,' replied the man, 'Just came back to see if you have any brass lawyers!'
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer who responded to the scene.
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has 15.98 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a scum-sucking bottom dweller, the other’s a fish!
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has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers? New Jersey got to pick first.
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has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"
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has 83.65 % from 512 votes. More jokes about: dirty, divorce, lawyer
What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should? Stick his bill up his rear.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw? A: Outlaws are wanted.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: lawyer