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Outgoing e-mails have tobacco stains on them.
Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody!
Internet: Without me you are nothing!
Electricity: Keep talking bitches!
Vote:
I walked into the computer repair place with my broken Macintosh computer.
I looked at the stack of them on the rack and said, ‘What’s that, Broke Mac Mountain?’
My software never has bugs.
It just develops random features.
What does a network administrator say when he gets back to home from work ?
There’s no place like 127.0.0.1!
Vote:
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just declare darkness the standard!
Vote:
What do computers eat when they get hungry?
"Chips."
Bill Gates is at the beach when he discovers a bottle, he opens it and a Genie appears.
The Genie says, "I have been trapped for 1000 years.
As a reward you can make a wish."
Gates thinks about it as he carries the bottle back to his beach cottage.
Once there, he goes to a bookshelf, pulls out an atlas and turns to a map of the Middle East.
This area has seen conflict and suffering for hundreds of years.
What I wish for is peace in the Middle East.
The Genie replies, "I don't know I can do a lot, but this? Don't you have another wish?"
Bill Gates thinks and finally says, OK.
The whole world hates Microsoft because we have conquered the software market and because Windows still crashes.
I wish you would make everybody love us.
The Genie says, "Let me see that map again."
Windows, the world's first commercially successful virus!
Customer: “My youngest son was surfing the web last night and to my shock he was at a British comedy site.”
Tech Support: “Yes, what is the problem?”
Customer: “The ‘.uk’ at the end — doesn’t that stand for United Kingdom?”
Tech Support: “Yes.”
Customer: “Just great — I knew it!
He’s in trouble now!
He was there for almost a half hour!
How much does AOL charge for long distance?”
Tech Support: “It does not work that way.
You can surf anywhere without long distance charges.”
Customer: “No, I am sure AOL charges extra.
It doesn’t make any sense that they wouldn’t.
England is a long way away, they would lose millions not to.”
After trying to explain how the web worked, the customer refused to take my word and said she was going to call AOL.
A while later she called back.
Customer: “Well, AOL said you were correct; no long distance charge for overseas web sites.
I do have another question I thought of after I hung up with AOL.”
Tech Support: “Yes?”
Customer: “Do you think they charge extra for long distance email?”
Tech Support: “Trust me — they don’t.”
Customer: “Wonderful!
My oldest son works in Sweden.
He sends us email, but I was always afraid to reply because I didn’t know how much it would cost, so I just called him on the phone.
This will save us lots of money!
Still if AOL was smart they would charge for this service.”