Software isn’t released, it’s allowed to escape.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
What do computers eat when they get hungry?
"Chips."
Only Chuck Norris can dislike on Facebook.
Vote:
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.
His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
"Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it.
It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store.
Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy lifting.
It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter.
To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.
They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
A Man from the toilet shouts to his wife :
Darling, darling, do you hear me?!!!!
What happened, did you run out of toilet paper?
No, restart the router, please!
Where's the best place to hide a body?
Page two of Google.
The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI...
I needed to quickly run a SQL command to update a single row in an Oracle DB table at work.
To my horror, it came back with –2,193,674 rows affected.
Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.
Vote:
3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar.
A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.
His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
"Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it.
It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store.
Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy lifting.
It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter.
To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener. Your dog has worms.
Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.
They aren't yours.
Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."