Joke #5057

How many service technicians does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, and he does it very well, but there is that $85 non-refundable on-site service fee to consider

With searching comes loss And the presence of absence: ‘My Novel’ not found.

Software isn’t released, it’s allowed to escape.

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer enquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

The computer programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball." Son: "Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?"

1998: Don't get in the car with strangers. 2008: Don't meet people from the internet. 2018: Order yourself a stranger to get in the car with from the internet. (Uber)

HR manager to job candidate: ‘I see you’ve had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you’re under-qualified for our entry level positions.’

Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.

What do you call a bent iPhone 6 plus? A dead wringer.

Murphy's Laws of Computing 1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete. 3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it. 4. When the going gets tough, upgrade. 5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction. 6. To err is human.. to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural. 7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up. 8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer. 9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine. 10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions. 11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.

Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer. Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead. During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted: "Well, don't you have something to ask me?" Dave then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "Will you buy me a new computer?"