Joke #4118

Ladies, don’t forget the jumble sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

A wife tells her husband: "We never go out anywhere…" "Great, tomorrow I will be going to through our the garbage, you may join me…"

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

Three guys all think that their wives are cheating on them. The first guy thinks his wife is screwing a plumber because he found a tool belt under his bed. The second guy thinks his wife is screwing a judge because he found a robe and gavel under his bed. The third guy says, "That's nothing! I came home and found a cowboy under my bed. I can't believe my wife is screwing a horse."

Things have reached crisis point in Beryl’s marriage. ‘If things are so bad,’ her friend advises her. ‘Then you should leave your husband.’ ‘I would,’ says Beryl. ‘If only I could think of a way of doing it that wouldn’t make him happy.’

Three women sit in a beauty parlor talking about their husbands. The first woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn't there!" "I know!" the next woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house, but when I called he wasn't there." The third woman says, "I always know where my husband is." "Impossible!" both women exclaim, "He has you completely fooled!" "Oh no," says the woman. "I'm a widow."

A man asks his mute friend what he wants in a woman. The mute friend points to his head. His friend says, "Yes, intelligence is important." Then, the mute friend rubs his thumb on the palm of his hand. His friend nods and says, "Certainly a woman with money would be nice." Then, the mute friend opens his hands wide in front of him, cups his fingers and makes a bouncing motion. His friend looks at him strangely. "What the heck do you want a woman with arthritis for?"

Whats the difference between married men and parking spaces? Nothing all the good ones are taken.

If it weren’t for marriage, women would have to spend most of their adult lives arguing with complete strangers.

A man and his wife enter a dentist's office. The wife says "I need a tooth pulled. No gas or Novocain -- I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave woman," says the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is." The wife turns to her husband and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

Coming home after check-up, 45 year old Jenna said to her husband: "The doctor said that my brust is like a 20 year old girl’ brust." Husband replied: "Did he mention about your 45 year old hanged to the floor ass?" "No", she said. "Your name wasn’t even mentioned."