A man bought a dachshund for his six children so they’d have a dog they could all pet at once.
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A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore.
"Do you have any idea why?"
"Well, I had sex with an elephant!"
"You did?
But elephants are known to have small penises!"
"Yeah, but he fingered me first."
Why did the rabbit run out of the fast-food restaurant?
He thought he heard someone order a quarter pounder on a toasted bunny.
What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant?
Burgers and flies.
What happens when you kiss a canary?
You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
Why do milking stools only have three legs?
'Cause the cow's got the udder!
Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit?
It was an inn-grown hare.
Q: Why don't black kids play in sand boxs?
A: Because they are affraid the cats will try to cover them up.
What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
He felt funny.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
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A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey.
The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot.
So the little lizard climbed up the tree.
The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint.
The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth.
Well there is a river just down there.
So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water.
All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water.
Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, "I just got stoned with my pal the monkey."
"Really" said the croc, "where is he I want some."
He is through the brush and up the tree.
So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree.
The monkey said "holy shit how much did you drink little buddy."