A man bought a dachshund for his six children so they’d have a dog they could all pet at once.
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Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?
A: A sheep.
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A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: "Purebred Police Dog $25."
Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, "How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?"
"Don't let his looks deceive you, ma'am," the man replied, "He's in the Secret Service."
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
What did the calf say to the silo?
"Is my fodder in there?"
Why did the gag-writer turn green?
Cause the gag-writer was sick of writing frog jokes!
Why was Teddy Roosevelt mean to horses?
He was a rough rider!
Why was the horse all charged up?
It ate some haywire!
Why did the rabbit run out of the fast-food restaurant?
He thought he heard someone order a quarter pounder on a toasted bunny.
What's the fastest way to send a rabbit?
Haremail.
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
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