What do you call a deer with no eyes?
I have no I-Deer.
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Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?
A: A rotisserie chicken.
Look over there! Said the frightened skunk to his pal.
"There's a human with a gun, and he's getting closer and closer! What are we going to do?"
To which the second skink calmly replied, "Let us spray ."
Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.
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Q: Why do pandas like old movies?
A: Because they are black and white.
Why don't lobsters share?
They re shellfish.
How do you call a Triceratops with horns on his butt?
Tricera-bottoms.
Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up.
Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer.
The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.
The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
"Shit!" says the ant.
"One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"