What do you call a deer with no eyes?
I have no I-Deer.
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Q: What did the emu say to the nurse?
A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
a lickalotapus.
A waitress walks up to a man to take his order.
"I'd like to get the turtle soup, please."
The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead.
"Hold the turtle, make it pea!"
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Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet.
That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
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Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.
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I hear you take milk baths.
That's right.
Why?
I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower.
A zebra has wondered his whole life whether he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes.
When he dies and goes to heaven he asks God the question "Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?"
God responds, "You are what you are"
The zebra goes to his friends and tells them what God had said and that he still doesn't know the answer to his question.
One of his friends says, "Well, that means you are a white zebra with black stripes"
The zebra asks him why and the friend says, "Because otherwise God would have said 'You is what you is'"
What did the dog say to the hot dog bun?
"Are you pure bred?"
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."