Joke #9391

What do you call a deer with no eyes? I have no I-Deer.

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100? Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.

Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater? A: I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!

Although cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.” T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff.” Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?” The Government Worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

A worm gets out from cherry compote and, after he stretches a little, says satisfied: I love sauna!

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Rabbit: "I got kicked out of my cage for not paying the rent. My wife walked out and took our twenty-nine bunnies with her. I m all out of carrots. What should I do?" Friend: "Don't worry; be hoppy!"

Why are there no zebras in Czech zoos? Czechs and stripes don’t mix.

Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle. "I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk. The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."