What did the psychiatrist say to the android kleptomaniac?
DON'T keep taking the tablets!
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How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
ChuckNorris.com.
Don't go there.
It's like the United States of Chuck Norris...
No one has been there and lived to tell the tale.
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A guy tells his friends:
The girl I was dating broke my heart, so I broke her Apple iPhone 5. You all know who cried more
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Two programmers after work, talking in a pub:
"You will never believe me when I tell you what happened to me yesterday. I met a very nice blonde in a bar."
- And what did you do ?
"I invited her to my place, we had some drinks and then the girl asked me to undress her."
"Are you kidding me ? And what did you do then?"
"I got her blouse and her dress off and then i got her to sit on my office, right next to my new laptop."
"Oh, you got a new laptop. What model and what are its specifications?"
Steve Jobs was an amazing man.
He will live in my hard drive forever!
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A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
Q: What's the Internet's favorite animal?
A: The lynx.
How many social media marketers does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s not about the change - it’s about engaging people in conversations about the light bulb change.
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you.
This will be your home for all eternity.
You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life.
Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured.
He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table.
To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer.
"Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.
"The bottle has a hole in it!"
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.
"And it's missing three keys,"
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."