Joke #4239

Did you hear about the drunk who thought Alcoholics Anonymous meant drinking under an assumed name?
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol

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Q:How do you find a man in a bar who is sensitive, caring and good looking? A:He's nursing a Mike's Hard Lemonade and is acting super super gay!
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has 44.46 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
There is man sitting in a bar who is really, really drunk. When the bar closes he gets up to go home. He stumbles and falls couple of times and finally manages to get out of the door. As he gathers himself, he sees a nun passing by. He stumbles over to her and starts punching her in the face. The nun is shocked beyond belief, but before she could say anything, he leans over and punches her again. This time the nun hits the pavement. The drunk stumbles over to her, kicks her in the butt, picks her up and throws her against the wall. By now the nun is very weak and can barely move. He leans over her, grabbing her by the collar of her habit and says, "Not feeling too STRONG tonight, I thought you would be tougher Batman!"
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, celebrity, drunk
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine." His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine." Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
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has 76.99 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, sex, wife
Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
My Grandma is in her 90's and she still doesn't need glasses. She just drinks straight out of the bottle.
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has 79.35 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, health
A man is staggering home drunk late at night when he’s stopped by a policeman. ‘What are you doing out here at this time of night?’ asks the officer. ‘I’m going to a lecture,’ replies the man. ‘And who’s going to give a lecture at this hour?’ asks the policeman. ‘My wife,’ replies the man.
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man was drinking at a bar and the bartender came over to tell him he had a visitor waiting for him outside the bar. He had just bought another large beer and he didn"t want anyone to drink it. So, he wrote a little sign on a piece of paper and left it by his beer that said: "I spit in my beer." When he returned to his bar stool there was another note beside his beer: "I spit in your beer too!"
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has 78.92 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.
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has 46.10 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made all the appetisers herself and we have a caterer coming in to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you properly prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
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has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beer, food, priest
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol