Joke #2890

One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. "What's the matter?" the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days." The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender. "Yeah, except today is the last night."
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It’s night and a drunk is crawling along the pavement looking for something. A passer-by offers to help and asks what’s missing. The drunk replies that he’s lost his watch. ‘And where abouts did you lose it?’ asks the passer-by. ‘About half a mile up the road,’ replies the drunk. ‘So why are you doing down here?’ asks the passer-by. The drunk replies, ‘Down here the lighting is better.’
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Three women sitting in a bar having a drink. Their boyfriends are all named Georgie. One day they decide to name their boyfriends after softdrinks to tell the difference between them. The first one says "I'll name mine 7-up because he's seven inches and always up." The second one says "I'll name mine MOUNTAIN DEW because he likes to mount and do me." And the third one says "I'll name mine Jack Daniels." The others say "Hey! That's not a softdrink that's a hard licker!". She says "That's My Georgie!!"
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
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Harry, to Tom: ‘I went to the dentist this morning.’ Tom: ‘So does your tooth still hurt?’ Harry: ‘I don’t know; he kept it.’
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A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The Bartender says, "Why do have a steering wheel in your pants?" The man replies "I don't know but its driving me nuts".
Vote: has 74.45 % from 61 votes. Send joke:
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Boy: "I love you so much, I could never live without you." Girl: "Is that you or the beer talking?" Boy: "It's me talking to the beer."
Vote: has 81.11 % from 71 votes. Send joke:
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A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand. The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape. The bartender looks at the guy and asks: "What's wrong with your turtle?" "Not a thing," the man responds, this beat up turtle is faster than your dog!" "Not a chance!", replies the barkeep. "Okay then, says the guy... you take your dog and let him stand at one end of the bar. Then go and stand at the other end of the room and call your dog. I'll bet you $500 that before your dog reaches you, my turtle will be there." So the bartender, thinking it's an easy $500, agrees. The bartender goes to the other side of the bar, and on the count of three calls his dog. Suddenly the guy picks up his turtle and throws it across the room, narrowly missing the bartender, and smashing into the wall and says - "I WIN... Told you it'll be there before your dog!"
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Did you hear about the drunk who thought Alcoholics Anonymous meant drinking under an assumed name?
Vote: has 39.32 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
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A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper. He sits down and orders a beer. After taking a drink he sees the guy next to him go over to the window and jump out! "Holy cow! Did you see that!? That guy just jumped out the window!" The bartender does nothing. So the man takes another sip. A minute later the same guy walks in, orders another drink, chugs it, and jumps out the window again. "Jesus! He just jumped again!" The bartender ignores the man. So the man sits puzzled. The guy comes back into the bar, and orders another drink. "How did you survive that jump?" "I ordered a floatie drink, if you drink it in a certain amount of time, you can float." So the guy quickly orders a floatie drink. He takes it from the bartender, and chugs it. He then jumps out the window and... SPLAT! Right on the sidewalk! The Bartender then says, "You know, Superman... you can be a real jerk when youre drunk."
Vote: has 56.98 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
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An Irishman, an Italian, and a Pollack were having a drink together at the local tavern. The Irishman says, "...You know, where I'm from, there's a bar called "O'Mally's", where you buy a drink, then you buy another drink, and then O'Mally himself buys you a drink." The Italian then says, "Well....where I'm from, there's a place called "Vinnie's", where you buy a drink, then Vinnie buy you a drink, then you buy another drink, and then Vinnie buys you another drink.." The Pollack then says "Well...where I come from, there's a bar where they buy you a drink, then they buy you another drink, and then they buy you another drink, and then they take you in back, and then you get laid !". The Irishman and the Italian both respond with, "Gee...that sounds like a great place ! Have you ever been there ?" "No..." said the Pollack, "...but my sister has ..."
Vote: has 82.51 % from 55 votes. Send joke:
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A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
Vote: has 32.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
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