How many blondes does it take to play hide and seek?
One.
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One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to one of those annoying, pushy businessmen.
He asks her if she would like to play a game.
She politely declines, but the man explains the game to her anyway.
He says, "It goes like this: I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong you will give me $5, and vice-versa."
She says no again, and tries to fall asleep.
The man tries harder, saying, "Aw, come on. I'll give you $50 for each question. Or how about $500?"
At that number, the blonde agrees.
The businessman explains again, "If you get my question wrong you give me $5. And when you ask the question, and I get it wrong, I will pay you $500.
"Got it," she replies.
He asks, "Who was the sixth president?" She admits she doesn't know and gives him $5.
Now it's her turn, and she says, "What has purple legs, five arms and only two yellow teeth?"
The businessman doesn't know - he uses his laptop, checks the Internet, e-mails his friends.
No one knows the answer.
So he gives her $500.00.
Then, as they're landing he asks her, "What was that thing anyway?"
She thinks a few minutes, hands him $5 and walks off the plane.
Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building.
The italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says "Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
The chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says "Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
The blonde opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says" Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time im going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"
So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death.
That weekend at the funeral, the italian and the chinese wives are crying and saying "I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me."
And as the two wives stare at the blondes wife, they both ask why she isn't sad about her husbands death, the blonde replys "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."
Q: What do you get when you give a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit.
They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature.
The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said "Oh I know."
So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what looked a bottle.
She poured it on the rabit and they both got in the car.
Suddenly the rabit got up hopped a little bit and waved, hopped a little and waved, hopped to the top of the hill and waved.
Then dissapered over it.
The husband just stared at his wife and said "Honey, what did you pour on that rabit?"
His wife just said "Hair Restorer with a permanent wave."
A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.
The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."
After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."
The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land.
The pilot says, "You say she's blonde?
I'll handle this.
I'm married to a blonde.
I speak blonde."
He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.
"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."
A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object on the shelf.
She asks the clerk, “What is that shiny object?”
The clerk replies, “That is a thermos.”
The blonde then asks, “What does it do?”
The clerk responds, “It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold.”
The blonde says, “Oh! I could use something like that! I’ll take it!”
The next day, as she walks into work with her new thermos she spots her boss and shows off her shiny new thermos, “I just got this yesterday, isn’t it wonderful!
It’s a thermos and it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold!”
The boss asks, “And what do you have in it?”
The blonde replies, “Some coffee and a popsicle.”
A blonde working in the coffin industry was thinking of various ways to improve her business.
She thought perhaps a good way to do it would be to emulate the success of the fashion store across the street which had done very well with it's new "Buy 1, Get 1 Free" deal.
Soon, a man walks in.
"I would like a coffin for my father. But these coffins are very expensive!"
"Well, sir, you'll be happy to know we have a 'Buy 1, Get 1 Free' deal!"
The customer left.
How do you determine a blonde’s IQ?
With a tyre gauge.
Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?
A: So she could use it as a mirror.