He used to be a bottle baby, but when he reached the age of ten he pushed the cork out and escaped.
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When I was born, everyone was so happy.
Even the doctor said, ‘I think it’s a baby.’
He was such a big baby that the doctor was afraid to slap him.
A couple of kids in the South get pulled over for speeding.
When the trooper approaches the car, the driver says 'What's the problem, sir?'.
The trooper takes out his machined aluminum flashlight and whacks the kid across the head saying 'You don't speak to a state trooper unless you're spoken to'.
The trooper writes out the citation and gives it to the driver who responds 'Thanks a lot'.
The trooper again gives the kid a dose of the flashlight and says 'When you address a state trooper, you finish your sentence with the word sir'.
He then walks over to the passenger side and whacks the other kid with the flashlight.
The kid says 'What was that for, sir?'
The trooper says 'I was just fulfilling your wish.
Y'all wouldn't have gotten 100 yards down this road before you'd have said to your friend, "I wish he'd have hit me with that flashlight", so I fulfilled your wish.'
Santa Claus arrives to a kindergarten and gives each child a present.
Everybody received really cool presents – racing car models, ship models and similar.
But one kid got only a pair of socks.
A kid comes to him and teases him with his received brand new Formula 1 model and laughs at this socks-kid:
LHey, what a shitty present you have received, look at my super car" said the kid offensively.
"So what, at least I don't have cancer…"
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party in a bar.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned: "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.
"And why not, darling?", the father asked.
You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?"
The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess."
The girl then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"
Q: What kind of kids do you get when a black and a Mexican marry.
A: Kids too lazy to steal.
Vote:
When I was younger I used to think having sex was kissing naked.
One day after showering my dog came in the restroom, so I kissed him on the head, after realizing what I did I ran downstairs, and told my mom that I had sex with the dog, you can image her face after hearing this.
Yep I was a very dumb child.
After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo!
she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo".
The husband replies "explain the kids?!"