He used to be a bottle baby, but when he reached the age of ten he pushed the cork out and escaped.
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Q: What game did the dentist play when she was a child?
A: Caps and robbers
Q: In which room we cannot live?
A: Mushroom.
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.
It was addressed, 'Dad'.
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:
"Dear, Dad.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy.
She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad.
She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better.
She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.
I'm over at Jason's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.
Call when it is safe for me to come home!"
A kid walks into a class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks the teacher asks, "Where have you been?"
The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill."
Then another boy walks in with no shirt and no socks and the teacher says, "Where have you been?"
The boy says, "On top of blueberry hill."
Then a girl walks in and the teacher asks, "Where have you been?
Oh, let me guess on top of blueberry hill." and the girl says, "No, I am blueberry hill."
Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.
A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out.
The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him.
The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid.
"Is this really your grandmother?"
"Yes. She visits every Christmas!"
"Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists.
"At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Zany
Zany who?
Zany body home?
Vote:
The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students.
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "George, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I’m in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With you," he said.
"But George," she said gently, "don’t you see how silly that is? It’s true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don’t want a child."
"Oh, don’t worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I’ll use a rubber."
The town’s local council remarks that the best lawyer in town never made a donation to charity tendency.
To convince him, the mayor calls him in his office:
Sir, I remarked that you’re revenue reached a number of $600.000.
With all these, you never made a donation to the charity...
If you looked into my files, did you also remark that my mother is sick, and the medicaments she needs exceed her funds?
No... answers mayor.
In second place, my brother, war veteran, is condemned in a wheelchair and he’s blind.
The mayor started apologizing, but was interrupted:
And more, my sister died into a car accident and left tree children orphans.
Stunned, the mayor says:
I didn’t know, please accept my apologies...
But the lawyer continues:
I don’t see why I should give you any money, if I don’t ever give them money...