Joke #5900

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the nursery? They woke up.

Q: You know what lego set Trump played with as a kid? A: The wall maker set.

Facebook: "My kids are perfect." Instagram: "My kids are beautiful." Twitter: "My kids are why I drink."

Why are little girls better than little boys? Because when you're finished using them as little girls, you can turn them over and use them as little boys.

I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.

Little Johnny's brother, Little Jimmy, was in the toilet throwing Johnny's toys in the toilet. Johnny saw his brother doing this and yelled "JIMMY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" His brother replied "Next time you'll think twice before you don't let me play with you." Little Jimmy threw a toy car in the toilet and said "Bye bye, racecars!" Little Johnny stuck little Jimmy head in the toilet saying "Bye bye brother!"

A couple had been married for 50 years and had raised a brood of 10 children and was blessed with 20 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."

Having past almost 30 years, the same question still bothers him… Why he does not look alike his brothers and parents at all - every single one pretty and he so ugly. He summoned all his courage and decided to ask his mother: "Mom, tell me the truth please, I am adapted, aren’t I?" The mother burst into tears and said: "Yes, my child! But it didn’t work, they returned you back!"

When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.

While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess." The girl then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"

When is a door sweet and tasty? When its jammed!