The best things in life are free, plus tax.
Money should be utilized as a tool. You just gotta know which nuts to screw.
A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the doctor. "$345!!?" the lady asks. "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."
A husband gives his wife a complete mink outfit for her birthday – a 12-bore shotgun and some traps.
Yo' Mama is so poor, she rolls her own tampons.
Patient: "Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill." Doctor: "Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet."
Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!
A business owner decides to take a tour around his business and see how things are going. He goes down to the shipping docks and sees a young man leaning against the wall doing nothing. The owner walks up to the young man and says: "Son, how much do you make a day?" The guy replies: "150 dollars!" The owner pulls out his wallet, gives him $150, and tells him to get out and never come back. A few minutes later, the shipping clerk asks the owner: "Have you seen that UPS driver? I asked him to wait here for me!"
A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it. The thief was spending less then his wife.
Yo' mama so poor, she fills her ice trays with toilet water!
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop. A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system.” The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.