Joke #4500

Handy hint: Feed your baby onions so you can find it in the dark.

What is a baby? "A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other."

Teacher: "Who can tell me 5 wild animals?" Little Johnny: "2 lions & 3 wolves."

A kid walks up to his teacher and says "When is lunch." The teacher said "When its my break." "Your break for what? the kid asks. "My break up" the teacher said.

Q: What's the difference between an NFL player and an elevator? A: The elevator can raise a child.

When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."

What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.

What do you give a cat for its birthday? A catologue.

There was a business man driving down this country road when he spotted a little boy that had a lemonade stand. It being hot and him being thirsty, he decided to stop. Once he got up to the little boy's stand, he noticed a sign that said "All you can drink 10 cents," and a single, very small glass. Well, he thought that it was an awful small glass, but since it was only 10 cents for all you can drink, he decided to get some anyway. He gave the boy a dime, and shot down the whole glass in one swig. He slapped the glass back onto the table and said, "fill 'er up." The kid replieds, "Sure thing, that'll be 10 cents." To this the business man said, "But your sign says all you can drink for a dime." "It is," the little boy replies, "That's all you can drink for a dime."

What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.

Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.