He’s been hitting the bottle for years. He’ll be two tomorrow.
Q: What sports team is the least safe around children? A: The Nashville Predators.
One day little Johnny asked his teacher "So you know how most stores have 'you break it you buy it' rule? The teacher responded "Yes why?" Johnny said "Well do you think if you were to be looking at babies to adopt and dropped one that the orphange would make you buy it?"
Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?" Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.
Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep? A: When the big hand touches the small one.
A team of doctors attended the delivery of quintuplets who were able to walk immediately after the umbilical cords were cut. The senior doctor was asked to explain this unusual occurrence. ‘I guess they had a lot of practice,’ said the doctor. ‘What do you mean, “practice”?’ asked a junior colleague. ‘They were just born!’ The doctor replied, ‘Well, it was standing womb only.’
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
"Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?" "Because I helped her." "But that is a good thing! What did you help her with?" "I helped her eat her gummy bears."
Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogey in it!