What do you get if you cross a cat with a gorilla?
An animal that puts you out at night.
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Sharks are not living on the sea because they can't breath on continent.
They live on a sea, because Chuck Norris doesn't.
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," He responded.
"Oh, killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?
He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek" Who wrote it?
Major Bumsore.
A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets.
He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details.
Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money?
Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games.
- Good monkey, it's worth the money.
He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant.
"What does this monkey know?"
"It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad."
"Nice, even I don't know those things."
On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$.
The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details.
"And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?"
"I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"
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Q. What’s got 4 legs and bleeds?
A. Half a spider!
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife?
He was an aunteater.
Q: How do you get ten fat cows in your basement?
A: Hold a tupperware party!
Q. Why did the tiger loose at poker?
A. Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a horse.
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