What do you get if you cross a cat with a gorilla? An animal that puts you out at night.
What to polar bears eat for lunch? (Ice berg-ers!)
Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey. He chews bees...
Q:What happened when Smokey the Bear started the forest fire? A: He got arrested just like you would've.
A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
There are two types of ostriches - Grey and Blue. Grey ones scared hide their head in the sand. The Blue ones sit in the bushes waiting for this moment.
What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really.
Yo mama is so hairy, Kingkong got jealous.
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he ot it. He told them to bug off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. “OK, follow me,” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. “Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked. “YES, YES, YES!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy. “Good!” said the first bat, “Because I fucking didn’t!”
Question: Why did the Army send do many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf? Answer: They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.