What do you get if you cross a cat with a gorilla?
An animal that puts you out at night.
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Rabbit: "I got kicked out of my cage for not paying the rent. My wife walked out and took our twenty-nine bunnies with her. I m all out of carrots. What should I do?"
Friend: "Don't worry; be hoppy!"
Unicorns are extinct but Chuck Norris used all their horns as toothpicks.
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Q: What is a black cat's favorite color?
A: Purrrrrr-ple!
I’ve never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man they love in a cat.
Q: Why didn't Republicans save any of the black New Orleans residents from the flooding of Hurricane Katrina?
A: They were busy trying to get two of each animal for their ark first and couldn't catch that damned roadrunner.
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Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up.
Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
What kind of money do polar bears use?
Ice lolly.
How do you know when there's a rabbit in your bed?
You can smell the carrots on his breath.
Cats are allergic to Chuck Norris.
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A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg.
The farmer said, "That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw."
"So why does he have a wooden leg?" the tourist asked.
"One night, our house caught on fire, and he came inside and woke us all up."
The tourist asked again, "So, why does that pig have a wooden leg?"
"You can't eat a pig that brave all at once!"