Man, to woman, ‘Am I the first man you ever made love to?’
Woman, ‘You might be.
Now you come to mention it, your face does look familiar.’
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The three words most hated by men during sex: ‘Are you done?’
The three words most hated by women during sex, ‘Honey, I’m home!’
Sex is bad
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So stick it in.
A married couple was walking down the street when an alien spacecraft landed in front of them.
A married alien couple walked out and said, "Hello, earthlings, we come in peace. We are scientists from the planet GRUDO-X and we want you to tell us all about your planet."
So they talked for hours, until they came to the subject of sex.
The humans told the aliens how humans have sex and the aliens were in shock!
It was very similar to the way the aliens did it.
The men in the group decided to have a little experiment with switching wives for a night.
When the human woman saw the alien man undress, she immediately laughed at his "thing."
The alien looked down and said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot."
And he hit his head twice and "it" grew at least two feet.
The woman said "Wow! That's impressive, but I could snap that thing if I wanted to."
So the alien pulled his ears twice and it expanded. The two had the greatest sex of their lives.
The next morning the human man came for his wife and asked, "How was it?"
The wife replied, "Great!"
The man said, "Well, for some strange reason thealien woman kept jumping on me, pulling my ears and hitting me on the head, screaming, "It's broken! It's broken!"
How do you know when your cat’s finished cleaning himself?
He’s smoking a cigarette.
Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
Answer: They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.
Why are black peoples eyes red after sex?
Pepper spray.
Vote:
Jones aside. ‘You’re in perfect health,’ he says.
‘Your wife didn’t give me an erection, either.’
When I was younger I used to think having sex was kissing naked.
One day after showering my dog came in the restroom, so I kissed him on the head, after realizing what I did I ran downstairs, and told my mom that I had sex with the dog, you can image her face after hearing this.
Yep I was a very dumb child.
Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
They don’t have time.