Man, to woman, ‘Am I the first man you ever made love to?’
Woman, ‘You might be.
Now you come to mention it, your face does look familiar.’
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Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
The two old coots were both only a year short of retirement from the assembly line, but one Monday morning that didn't keep Joe from
boasting to Manny about his sexual endurance.
"Three times," gasped Manny admiringly. "How'd you do it?" "It was easy."
Joe looked down modestly. "I made love to my wife, and then I rolled over and took a ten-minute nap.
When I woke up again, I made love to her again and took another ten-minute nap. And then I put it to her again.
Can you believe it! I woke up this morning feeling like a bull, I'll tell you." "I gotta try it," said Manny. "Lorraine won't believe it's happening."
So that night he made love to his wife, took a ten-minute nap, made love to her again, took another nap, woke up and made love to her a third time, then rolled over and fell sound asleep.
He woke up feeling like a million bucks, pulled on his clothes, and ran to the factory, where he found his boss waiting outside for him.
"What's up, Boss?" he asked. "I've been working for you for twenty years and never been late once.
You aren't going to hold these twenty minutes against me now, are you?"
"What twenty minutes?" growled the boss.
"Where were you on Tuesday and Wednesday?"
My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw...
She must think I'm made of coat hangers.
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John Leslie has been accused of raping a disabled black girl on Blue Peter.
He blamed it on dyslexia & said he thought the script said, use sticky black spastic.
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Some newly-weds arrive to the hotel and the girl very afraid tells her husband:
"Honey, I don't know nothing of this, can you help me, please?"
I will Honey, starting from this instant, we will call your thing the prison and my thing will we call the prisoner, so... we will put the prisoner in the prison"
And they throw the first one.
and the guy is laying face up on the bed, but the girl was delighted and tells her husband:
"Love, the prisoner is outside the prison!!!"
The guy not very delighted tells her:
"Lets put him into the prison another time!!"
And the second ...but the girl is very sweet-toothed and she tells him:
"!! Honey !!!... .The prisoner is out again!!!"
The man rises, with the legs like a recently born foal.
And they throw the third!!! He is laying on the bed, exhausted and the girl says:
"!!! Honey, the prisoner escaped again!!!"
And he answers with his last breath:
"HEY !, It's not life imprisonment!!
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
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I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.
Mary to Jill: ‘My last boyfriend said he fantasised about having two girls at once.
Jill: ‘Most men do. What did you tell him?’
Mary: ‘I said, “If you can’t satisfy one woman, why would you want to piss off another one?”’
The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, ‘Doctor, why do men always want to marry a virgin?’
To which the doctor responded, ‘To avoid criticism.’
A very old man went to a church, making this confession:
- Father, I am 78 years old, I have been married for 40 years.
All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I had sex with an 21 year old woman.
- When was the last time you made a confession?
- I never have, I am Jewish.
- Then why are you telling it to me?
- I am telling it everybody ...