Joke #4561

A man who goes into the pub optimistically often comes out misty optically.
Vote: has 34.87 % from 8 votes. Send joke:
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A single woman who retired just a few months back walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch in her neighborhood. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
Vote: has 36.90 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, alcohol, life, old people, women
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and placed the same order for drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Darn! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife..."
Vote: has 66.49 % from 49 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, gay, wife
A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks down and says, "You know that you have a steering wheel in your pants" The pirate replies, "Ay, it's drivin' me nuts."
Vote: has 25.81 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, pirate
A man goes to a bar says, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!" Comes the end of the night the man say...sorry man it seems i forgot my wallet. The barman kicks him in the guts and throws him out. The next day the man comes again, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!" Comes the end of the night the man say...sorry man i don't have any money on me. The barman hits him in the face with bar stool brakes his leg and throws him out. The following day the man comes to the bar again, "Barman drinks on me for the owner and everybody else in here!" Barman says, "What am not getting a free drink tonight?" "Sorry man but you get violent when you drink."
Vote: has 62.63 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, money
Saw this bumper sticker in L.A. - "I'm not drunk, I'm Asian"
Vote: has 76.42 % from 189 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, asian, racist
One night a man was getting very drunk in a pub. He staggered back to take a piss, whipping his prick out as he went in the door. However, he had wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman sitting on the can, "This is for ladies!" she screamed. The drunk waved his dick at her and said "So is this!"
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol
A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?" The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."
Vote: has 31.56 % from 11 votes. Send joke:
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Mark was passing by the bar on the way home from work when he sees his good friend Tom gulping down one shot after another. Fearing the worst, Mark charged into the bar and confronted Tom. "Tom what’s going on?" Mark asked. "It’s my wife Beckie," Tom replied. "She ran off with my best friend!" "Hey wait a second!" Said Mark. "Aren’t I your best friend?" "Not any more," Tom said with a happy smile. "He is!"
Vote: has 69.86 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
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We never knew he was a drunk... until he showed up to work sober.
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, work
A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables. He sets em down on the bar. And then the bartender said "Now dont you start anything!"
Vote: has 79.91 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, car