The four words most hated by men during sex? ‘Is it in yet?’
A man bought a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner: … DAD : Son where were you today during school hours? SON : At school (robot slaps the Son and he immediately changes his mind) Okay I went to the movies! DAD : Which one? SON : Harry Potter (robot slaps Son again!) Okay I was watching porno. DAD : What? When I was your age I didn’t even know porno! (robot slaps dad) MUM : hahahahaha! After all he is your Son! (robot gives Mum a hot dirty slap)
A doctor asks a patient while examining her: How many sex partners did you have? 5 or 6, don't remember exactly.. Hmm, not that many... Yes, that wasn't the most successful weekend.
A woman goes into a noisy launderette and asks the assistant to do a service wash. ‘What?!’ shouts the assistant. ‘Come again?!’ ‘No!’ shouts back the woman. ‘This time it’s mustard!’
A little boy asked his mother: Mummy, why are you white and I am black? Don’t even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don’t bark.
A man and his wife were having sex one night in there bedroom. There little boy opens the door and says "Daddy what are you doing to mama?" Then the daddy says "Making you a little sister" And then the boy replies "Hell no do it doggy style I want a puppy."
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
There are three moms. A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde. They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed" They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her. Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She: "What are you doing?" Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
What do you say to a virgin? Thanks for nothing!
Small boy to friend: ‘What would you do if a girl kissed you?’ Friend: ‘I’d kiss her back. What would you do?’ Small boy: ‘I’d kiss her front.’