Joke #4687

I got home and found a man in bed with my wife. I said, ‘Who said you could sleep with my wife?’ He said, ‘Everybody.’
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has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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A man returns home and find his wife with his best friend. He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death. His wife: "Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends."
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has 54.14 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: death, friendship, marriage, wife
"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you." "Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"
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has 77.74 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, mean, money, Valentines day
The boss snubs his employee because he took a flashlight with him to a date: "What kind of crap happens nowadays? When I was in your age, I wasn’t carrying any flashlight with me on a date. I was always meeting my girlfriends in the dark." "And what did that got you... Take a look at what you’ve married in to!"
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has 51.13 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: age, dating, marriage
She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!" Everyone in the bar stops and stares. Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations." To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, "What do you mean $200 for a BJ?"
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has 85.77 % from 803 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
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has 55.64 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, husband, marriage
A newlywed couple goes on their honeymoon. Two days into the weeklong trip, the wife goes to the front desk and demands a car to take her to the airport. A few hours later, the husband strolls past the front desk. The manager asks why his wife has left the island. "Were you not having a good time?" The man replies, "Well, I've been having the best time of my life, but it's been with the maid."
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has 39.78 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Phone talk: "Is your boss there?" "No, he left on a trip." "A recovery trip, huh?" "I don’t think so... He took his wife with him!"
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has 53.04 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: marriage, phone, wife
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his chequebook open.
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has 25.64 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great. Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night." Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight." While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move. Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."
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has 58.81 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage, sex, women
This couple had been going out together for quite a while and was thinking about getting married. They finally decided to spend a night in a motel to see if they were sexually compatible. The next morning he dropped her off at her apartment and he said, "So long Lucy." She said, "Goodbye, Shorty."
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has 53.03 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: marriage