What’s the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone’s been in a 747.
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A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms.
"That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk.
"What are the eight cents for?" asks the blonde.
"It says one dollar right here on the packaging."
"Tax," replies the clerk.
"Gee," says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."
A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago.
The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area.
The blonde exclaimed, "Wow! I can't believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway!"
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line.
"Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy.
The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish.
The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away.
The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn.
The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish.
She panics.
"Crap!"
Q: How are blondes like postage stamps?
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
On a famous TV game show a blonde contestant needed only to answer one more question.
One simple question stood between her and the Ł1.000 prize.
"To be today's champion," the show's host smiled, "name two of Santa's reindeer."
The blonde gave a sigh of relief because she had been given such an easy question.
"Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and... Olive!"
The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!'"
"You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."
Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: Bigfoot, because they don't exist.
Vote:
A blind man walks into a bar.
The blind man sits down, thinking he'd break the ice with the bartender by asking "Wanna hear a blond joke?"
In a hushed voice, a man beside him says "Before you tell that joke, you should know our bartender IS blonde, or bouncer is blond, I'm a 6'4" black belt, the man sitting on the other side of me is 6'2, 250lbs, and a rugby player. The guy sitting next to you is pushing 300, 6'6, and he's a wrestler. We're ALL blond. So you think about it mister, do you really wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man sat for a second, thinking over the odds and then replied "No, not if I have to explain it five times."
Boy1: A blonde and brunette are on the top of a building. Who falls off first?
Boy2: The blonde?
Boy1: No, she has to ask for directions on how.
Blonde walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."