What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
‘It’s okay, Daddy, I’m not hurt.’
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A ventriloquist is sitting onstage at a comedy club.
He and his dummy are spurting out really crude blonde jokes, when a blonde lady sitting in the audience stands up.
"I'm so sick of you people who think blondes are stupid. It's because of you that I have had to try harder to prove myself at work and in the community. There are just as many dumb people with red or brown hair. There are just as many smart people with blonde hair."
"Gosh, Miss, I'm terribly sorry. I was just telling jokes, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
"Shut up! I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to that little jerk on your lap!"
A blonde has just gotten a new sports car.
She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff.
The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does.
The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it.
Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats.
He turns around and sees she's smiling.
So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car.
He looks back to see that she's laughing.
He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires.
He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down.
He demands, "What's so funny?"
She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"
Q: How are blondes like postage stamps?
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find any buyers.
She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car.
"235,000 miles."
Her friend told her that was the problem.
But the blonde's friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted.
So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000.
Two days later the blond's friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles.
The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!"
Doctor: "Yes, what is it I can do for you?"
Blond: "Doctor, yesterday, when I was doing my yoga, one of my friends told me that if I did this particular exercise, all my body’s blood would go into my head. But, when I stand, why doesn’t anyone say that all the blood would go into the legs?"
Doctor: "The fact’s your legs are not that hollow as your head is."
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all stuck on a deserted island together.
The island is 20 miles from the nearest inhabited island so they all decide to try to swim there.
The redhead makes it 10 miles, is exhausted, gives up, and drowns.
The brunette makes it 15 miles before she's too tired to go any farther and drowns.
The blonde gets 19 miles away from the deserted island, decides she's too tired to go any farther, and swims all the way back to the deserted island.
Vote:
In an aeroplane flying to Melbourne a blonde girl leaves her seat and goes to the business class.
The stewardess, who’ s watching her, gently asks her to see her ticket and tells her that she has to go back to her seat.
But the blonde girl replies “I am young, beautiful, I travel to Melbourne and I’m staying here”.
The stewardess goes to the cockpit and explains the copilot what happened.
So he comes out of the cockpit and tries to explain to the blonde girl that she had to go back to her seat.
And again the blonde girl says “I am young, beautiful, I travel to Melbourne and I’m staying here”.
The copilot, confused, returns to the cockpit and explains the situation to the aircraft commander.
“Don’t worry”, he says, “My wife is a blonde… I can hanlde it!”.
So the commander, goes out, spots the blonde and whispers something in her ear.
Suddenley, she stands up and says “Oh sorry mister…I didn’ t know…!” and runs back to her seat.
“What the hell did you tell her?” asks the copilot who was watching the scene.
“I told her that people in the business class are not flying to Belbourne”
There a ventriloquist telling blond joke .
A blond comes storming up on stage and start says"blonds can be smart to you know,and I'm smart, I should know."
The ventriloquist says" ok ok I'm sorry I won't do it again" then the blond says "you shut up and stay out of this cuz I'm talking to the jurk on your knee"