Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
I wouldn’t say she’s been married a lot but the church is trying to get her to pay for a new aisle carpet.
Wife:"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband:"You have perfect eyesight."
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person’s got, you wish you’d ordered that.
Marriages are made in Heaven – but then again, so are thunder and lightning.
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
I live like a medieval knight. Every night I go to sleep with a battleaxe at my side.
Wife: "There's something preying on my mind." Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."
A man asks his mute friend what he wants in a woman. The mute friend points to his head. His friend says, "Yes, intelligence is important." Then, the mute friend rubs his thumb on the palm of his hand. His friend nods and says, "Certainly a woman with money would be nice." Then, the mute friend opens his hands wide in front of him, cups his fingers and makes a bouncing motion. His friend looks at him strangely. "What the heck do you want a woman with arthritis for?"
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave. The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
What kind of rings do men need for marriage? Engagement Ring Wedding Ring Suffe-Ring Endu-Ring