Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine.
I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.
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Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart.
"Two dogs, please," she says.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
One of them opens the foil and begins to blush.
Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
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What is the difference between a hippie girl and a muslim girl?
The hippie girl gets stoned before have sex.
Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday...
The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!
Q: What's the difference between Auschwitz and Sarajevo?
A: At least they had gas in Auschwitz.
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*Wakes up to wife and son screaming*
Me: "What are you guys yelling about?"
Them: "You're driving!"
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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
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What does a skeleton say when he wants to eat?
Bone appetit!
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Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
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What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?
Vitamin bills!
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Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket?
A: Is that you coughin'?
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