Joke #4755

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine. I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.

There's some soldiers in Vietnam. And they've been pinned down in their trench for days. Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes. When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back." So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle. But he's gone for a good half an hour, they're finally convinced that he's been murdered by Charlie when they hear the signal. So they lay down fire and he sprints out of the jungle and leaps back into the trench. So obviously they're pretty confused. They ask "what the hell took you so long man?" The guy says, "well i was just finishing up my business, when I met this beautiful Vietnamese girl, and we just started having sex right there. we did every position imaginable, missionary, doggy style, everything. It was great." One of his buddies asks "Well did you get any head?" He replies "There was no head."

How did the tugboat get AIDS? It was rear-ended by a ferry.

The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.

How do you blindfold an Asian? With dental floss!

Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!

Knock knock. Who's there? Allahu Akbar. Allahu AK- BOOM!!!

When you were in the gang then, you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough. Someone started talking about fighting -- 'No, man, I've got to go home.'

Q: How do you kill 1000 Jews at once? A: Throw a dollar off a cliff.

Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick, "What school?"

So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!