Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose.
Ortoise: How does he smell?
Gemma: Awful!
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Q: What did the apple say to the worm?
A: You're boring me.
Why did the whale like the diver?
Because he had flippers.
A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane.
They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak.
He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss."
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge.
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery.
As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg.
He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!"
"No, you don't understand!" she replies.
"I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."
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What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100?
Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement?
I don't know.
A reindeer.
What about the cement?
I just threw that in to make it hard.
Why did the dolphin feel crabby?
Because he ate too many crabs.
What's the best way to catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on him.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear.
He sleeps with a real bear.
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Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple?
A: The Holocaust.
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