Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose.
Ortoise: How does he smell?
Gemma: Awful!
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What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.
A cat died and went to Heaven.
God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years. Anything that you want is yours for the asking."
The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."
God said, "Say no more."
Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow.
A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together.
God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat.
The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again."
God said, "It is done!"
All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat.
He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow.
God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How you been doing? Are you happy?"
The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!"
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
Vote:
What is a Zebra?
A Z-bra is 25 sizes bigger than an A-bra.
What kind of noise annoys an oyster?
A noisy noise annoys an oyster.
(Try saying that fast!)
Chuck Norris scares cows so bad, milk comes out their nose.
Vote:
What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A little bear.
What do you get from a cowmedian?
Cream of Wit.
Piranhas in the aquarium: sink your finger, lose your finger-game!
Vote:
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.
The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?"
The mother said, "Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess."
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"
The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."