How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
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There were three nurses in a morgue...
They entered a room where they had discovered that there was a dead man laying on the bed with a hard-on.
The first nurse was very forward and said, "Wow! I have never seen that before, I can't let that go to waste".
After saying this the first nurse sat and rode it.
The 2nd nurse did the same.
The third nurse explained that she couldn't as she was on her period.
After a bit of convincing she eventually rode it.
After 3 minutes the man woke up.
The Nurses said, "What the hell... You were dead a few minutes ago"
The man replied, "yeah I was... But I feel great now I have had two jump starts and a blood transfusion".
A nice respectable lady with a savory smell of perfume got on the bus and took a seat beside me.
After some moments I dared to ask her: "Excuse me lady do you mind me please to ask you what is the name of this perfume and where did you buy it from? I want to buy one for my wife."
The lady responded: "It is Chanel and from Paris."
After about ten minutes later I felt a strong wind in my belly so I slowly blew it out.
Some seconds later she broke and said: "Offf... what is this smell my God"?
I said: "Gar lic and from Gilroy city in California."
Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's?
Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you.
Boy Monster: Is it still beating?
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What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.
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Q: What does an old woman have that a young woman doesn't?
A: A belly button between her boobs.
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Q: What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
A: Lots of room.
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Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law."
The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."
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Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby?
A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
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Q: Did you hear about the redneck who was shooting craps?
A: He blew a hole in the toilet.
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Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose?
A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.
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