How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
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Q: What do parsley and pubic hair have in common?
A: You push them both aside when you eat.
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Two gay men are walking down the street trying to bum a ride.
A truck driver picks them up.
After a while the first gay man asked in a very gay voice, "Please sir can I fart?"
The truck driver then says, "Yeah sure who cares."
So the gay guy goes "POOF".
Then the second gay man asks if he can fart. The truck driver says he doesn't care and the second gay man went ''poof''.
Then the big truck driver goes to the gay men and says, "Ok gentlemen can I fart?"
The gay men say right on and the truckdriver lets it blow.
The fart was huge and smelly and loud.
The gay men then say, "He is obviously a virgin."
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A guy sees a classified ad that says "Will give Blow Job while singing the Star Spangled Banner at the same time."
The guys thinks to himself that it sounds interesting and unbelievable, and so decides to pay her a visit.
She lets him in and says that the lights have to be off.
So she turns the light off and starts sucking his dick.
All of a sudden he hears the Star Spangled Banner, clear as day.
He really wants to know how she is doing this so he flips on the lights.
All he sees on the floor is a glass eye.
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How do you unload a truck of zombie babies?
With a pitchfork.
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An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
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One day God came to Adam to pass on some news.
"I've got some good news and some bad news," God said.
Adam looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first."
Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."
Then, God came to Eve to pass on some news too. "I've got some good news and some bad news," God said.
Eve looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first."
Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things and have intelligent conversations with Adam. The other organ I have for you is called a vagina. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Adam will be very happy that you now have this organ to give him children."
Eve, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"
God looked upon Eve and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time. While you're bleeding through one of them every 28 days, the other will remain useless."
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What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.
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What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys?
Rhesus Pieces.
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What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.
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Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters?
The bull must have drug him a mile!
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