My grandfather can no longer do the things he loved to do as a teenager.
Flying planes, bombing Germans...
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What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired.
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So a little kid and a child molester start walking into a forest.
They keep walking for what seems like hours, and it gets darker and darker and darker, and the forest gets deeper and deeper and deeper.
The kid turns to the child molester and he says "Gee mister, it sure is scary out here!"
The child molester says "How do you think I feel, kid? I'm gonna have to walk out of this forest by myself!"
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A Mexican and a nigga are riding in car.
Who's driving?
A cop!
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This could be considered the ideal world for many men:
His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.
His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy.
A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a balanced meal.
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The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.
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Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard?
Shut up, and give me more bullets.
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"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!"
"How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine.
I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.
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Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads?
Because they're headcases.
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