My grandfather can no longer do the things he loved to do as a teenager. Flying planes, bombing Germans...
Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you? Answer: Shorten the chain.
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender!
A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She’s laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations. When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says: “All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?” The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: “I have no idea. We’re just painting the corridor.”
What would it take to reunite the Beatles? Two more bullets.
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
Q: What was Hitler's favorite toy as a kid? A: An Easy-Bake Oven.
What do you call a nun in a wheel chair? Virgin mobile.
A woman gave her two sons to different families for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian family and called Amal. The second child goes to Spain and is called Juan. Many years later, Juan sends his mother a photo of himself. She turns to her sister saying that she wished that she had a photo of her other son. The sister responded "Hey, they are identical twins. If you have seen Juan, you have seen Amal."