My grandfather can no longer do the things he loved to do as a teenager.
Flying planes, bombing Germans...
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What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday?
He ate himself.
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Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad.
Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?
He was caught poaching.
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A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"
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What's red and crawls up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
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Q: What do you call the ashes of a white person in a jar?
A: A jar of mayonnaise.
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What's black and red, wears high top Reeboks and cant go through a revolving door?
A nigger with a spear through his head.
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In a monastery senior sister announces to other sisters:
I have a good and a bad news for you.
The good one is that they have broughts to use a lot of carrots.
All the sisters start whistling happily.
But one of them asks:
What are the bad news?
Carrots came grated.
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Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting?
A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two balls!
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Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him:
"Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?"
Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
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