My grandfather can no longer do the things he loved to do as a teenager.
Flying planes, bombing Germans...
Vote:
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The dashboard.
Vote:
Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men?
A. He thought it was a home delivery service.
Vote:
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers".
She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"
To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
Vote:
Q: Why does Luke Skywalker always ask for favors?
A: Because he needs someone to lend a hand.
Vote:
Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village?
Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!
Vote:
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?", he asked.
Daddy to his son:
I don't care if you are dating a black girl - they are all pink on the inside.
Vote:
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.
"Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.
"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."
Vote:
Crocodiles are easy.
They try to kill and eat you.
People are harder.
Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.
- Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)
Vote:
What rule could stop HIV in Africa?
Sex after dinner only.
Vote: