My grandfather can no longer do the things he loved to do as a teenager. Flying planes, bombing Germans...
What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!
Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.
What rule could stop HIV in Africa? Sex after dinner only.
Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die." Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."
Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black — that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
A single car crash kills a Mexican family. 15 people died.