One step forward, 12 floors down.
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Q: How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
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A guy has a bad habit:
He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives.
So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her but he can't.
Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid.
Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help.
So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch.
They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street.
He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, "Don't worry. I got him with the door!"
How do you stop an Iraqi tank?
"Just shoot the guy that's pushing it!"
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How did they know that the driver had dandruff?
They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
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Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads?
Because they're headcases.
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First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight."
Second cannibal: "What are you having?"
First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."
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A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
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Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals?
A: He went down really well!
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*Wakes up to wife and son screaming*
Me: "What are you guys yelling about?"
Them: "You're driving!"
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Two cannibals were having lunch.
"Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other.
"Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."
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