A true gentleman holds the door for his woman... then smacks her ass as she walks by.
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
"Lisa, why are you so angry with me?" "Because I'm Christine."
A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
A man and woman were on their first date. The woman was trying to make conversation and said, "So I hear you hunt deer." The man looked away and turned red. "What's wrong?" asked the woman. "I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man said.
Q: What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body? A: He is all right now.
Every man thinks he's a dream of every woman. Sorry guys, but the dream of every woman is eating all the time and not to get fat.
Chinese and American are in a plane. Suddenly, Chinese puts his shoes off and American is angry. After some time, he goes to buy a coke, but Chinese says that he'll do it. While he's gone, American spits into his shoes. Chinese gets back and American drinks his coke. That repeats a couple of times,and after the flight American admits, "I spitted in your shoes, sorry." Chinese answers, "That's how we do it. We spit in each others shoes, we piss into each others cokes..."
After an accident... 1st Driver : I flashed the headlights and told you to let me go first. 2nd Driver : I also started the wipers and said NO NO...